It takes a village, or a wife

I'm not saying I'm all that here in this post; please don't interpret it as I think of myself as some superior spouse (ha!).  It's just that I learned right away when I was first married, it's not just your husband that goes to school or deals with a challenge, it's you too.  And it's likely this way for him as well, but I think maybe it's more intense when you are a woman.  We take on things.  We personalize things more than men do...in most cases.  Maybe it is our innate mothering.

When I was first married some 14+ years ago, Trooper Long was in school.  I thought, no biggie, I LOVED college.  I sincerely loved the learning and even all those "generals" that everyone else complained about.  I soaked it all in (except for a statistics class and this A-W-F-U-L public lands policy class I had).  So as my hubby started out his college career I was completely on board.  But then I took it on; I took more on than is appropriate.  Was he studying enough?  Did he proofread his paper and come up with 7 drafts?  Did he?  Well did he?  Don't get me wrong.  You should help your student out. Proofreading by another set of eyes is always supportive.  But I was allowing his classes to suck me in.  This was his thing.  Not mine.  So that was learning experience #1 (as far as school/classes go).

Learning experience #47 (again, as far as school/classes go) came when Trooper Long entered the police academy.  This was different.  We had A LOT invested in this, not just monetarily but a lot of factors were in play here.  So I put the yoke on and did whatever I could to support him, whether this meant no little ones bothering him while he studied, getting up in the night with our infant son so he could get adequate sleep, ironing that annoying super crease down the front of his tactical pants, driving as fast as I legally/logistically could to deliver his duty belt he'd left at home at 5 in the morning, or packing not just a lunch but mini meals for 14-hour days.  Nate knew what was riding on this opportunity too, he was focused, he worked hard, and he was grateful. 

Our marriage became stronger.  We became closer.  When he graduated, I felt like a part of me did as well.

As learning goes, it never ends.  So it goes for law enforcement training.  My husband has worked his way through 2 additional police academies to get where he's at today (his dream job) and guess who was there with flashcards in hand?  This past week he's been cramming those "10 codes"... you know the lingo you hear..."Officer 590. Location. 10-50. Blah blah blah"?  There are 100 various 10 codes.  They let dispatch know everything from where an officer is at, to what they are doing, to the severity of an accident, and whether there is an animal carcass present (true).

So after learning my phonetic alphabet: Alpha, Bravo, Charlie, Delta, Echo, Fox, Golf (you want me to keep going?) I started tackling the 10 codes.  And I must say, I'm not too shabby.  I even tease Trooper Long that I could pass for part time work with highway patrol.  We've also been using 10-code vernacular for some time now at home.  For example:

I'm changing a particularly poopy diaper, I call for back-up, but first I have to determine if the back-up is a 10-78 or a 10-33 - because there's a big difference here.  A 10-78 is I need someone's help but a 10-33 is a drop everything and get here as fast as you can.  Some diaper changes are merely a 10-78, some more so a 10-33. 

My husband was having a little bit of challenge mastering all 100 codes (understandably) so I reached back into those early college days and pulled out one of my tricks.  My memorization trick.  That is, memorization by association.  (It's works great with Jameson's spelling homework too).  So I taught him things like 10-38 which is "computer down" this is when your wife was 38, she couldn't ever get her laptop to work.  Or how about 10-75 which is "domestic disturbance" can be remembered by thinking of a 75 year-old man hitting his wife (graphic I know, but look at my life people).  And you know what?  It's totally worked!  He's got them down!  So next time you see him, quiz him.  No really, do quiz him.  It helps with retention.

So perhaps in those early married years I was young, naive, and simply took on more than I should have; I got frustrated and resentful.  Maybe now I've learned just a fraction more of how to help my companion without taking over. 

Hmm, learning.  It's a life-long process.